Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Just Can't Focus

Here I am again after another once again long sleepless night. I don't know if depression is causing more pain or the pain is causing more depression. All I know is that I am both. This morning I believe the pain is the major issue. Stemming from acrossed from the pulling of my lower spine and the top of my hiney on the leftside then radiating down my left leg. Oh my gosh it's painful. And what's so sad about the whole thing is I've been from doctor to doctor and they treat me like I'm making it all up! I know what I'm feeling. I wish for one minute they could feel what I feel, then maybe I would get some form of satisfaction. This has been going on for years now.

I see all these people that go to doctors that don't have pain and they have a non-stop stream of pills which they don't need which in turn, turns them into drug addicts. Then you have others like me that has real problems and can't get any relief. What is wrong with the medical profession these days? In this day and age it seems like they would have somekind of machine they could hook you up to that could measure the pain a person is in. If there is then I have yet to come across a doctor to use it on me.

Years back I hurt myself at work. In fact after the injury it's like there was a sign of "make her suffer" stamped on my forehead. I don't know if it's my low threshold for pain or my high threshold for pain relievers but I continue to suffer day after day. Of course I go for spurts where it's tolerable and doesn't seem to bother me as much but then there's other times when I just can't shake the discomfort. This present run of pain has lasted for a few weeks now and it makes it harder and harder for me to function from day to day.

I think with the time for the year and the pain being so over-bearing just makes the upcoming holiday season that much worse. I also found out during an ER visit during a severe migraine that I has a condition called Chiari. Which, after tons and tons of research I believe adds to the reason I feel pain so much worse. It has something to do with the cerebellum (which is at the base of the brain). From what I understand, I was born with it. It is a birth-defect and is alot more common then not but it goes undected and for the most part doesn't rear it's ugly head for most people. Unfortunately in my case it has.

Now the problem I have is to locate a knowledgeable physician to help take care of this ongoing problem for the rest of my life. I'm wondering, if it's possible to walk into a doctors office, tell them I'm looking for a doctor and just meet them if just for a second to shake hands. I think I'm a good judge of character and will be able to tell by the touch of the hand if they are a caring person or not. Is that possible?

I think I'm delirious this morning and just rambling on and on. It is impossible for me to focus on anything other then this intense pain so I think I will just stop for now and hopefully be able to do some constructive writing later today.

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