Tuesday, December 9, 2008

I Want MOre, MORe, MORE!!!!!!!

As I watch Christmas show after Christmas show trying my hardest to get into the Christmas Spirit. I get more and more depressed. The reason? I think I've shared that already in a prior blog but tonight I realized that my depression is not only for the reasons I've already said but because of something else.

What are you so upset about at such a wonderful time of the year you ask? Well, I WANT! I want more then I have! I want more so I can do more!

I am upset, extremely upset, extremely depressed. But why? Well I am upset because I am not able to do what I think I need to do at this time of the year. I want to give. I want to give, give, give! I want to give to people who are less fortunate then I. I want to give to my children and their families. I want to give to those that are cold and hungry.

My mother showed me how happy it made her to give. Give as much as she possibly could. Give to as many people as she could. It was at this time of the year that I seen her the happiest and by doing so, she instilled into my heart that precious gift.

For years I had the honor of helping her by going shopping with her and finding the "buried treasures" at the department stores hidden in the clearance racks and shelves. Sitting next to her at her kitchen table and sharing stories as I wrapped gift after gift to the nameless person that would soon receive it.

We would be at that table night after night as my poor fingers would get so tired of all the boxes and gift paper but it was fun! My part was to wrap and hers to write either man or woman on the gift tag. There were times that we never thought we'd get it all done but every year it would! We might still be at that table til the middle of the night the night before Christmas but that would only add to the excitement!

She would also search through mine and my brother and sisters friends until she found just the right family and provide presents for them too. My mother loved to spread happiness at Christmas.

I never can figure out how we had time to wrap all of the presents for our family but it would all miraculously get done.

I guess with the memories of that past and the knowledge of the present of not being able to do what she used to do. That is why this time of the year is the most depressing for me. But one day, one day I too will have the means to be able to follow my mother footsteps and spread the happiness too.

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