Thursday, October 23, 2008

Scared? Yeah I admit it

I just realized something. I am scared. Is it scared or is it worried? Is it, " I am scared to write my feelings because of what my husband will say?" OR " I am worried because of what my husband will say?" Maybe it's alittle bit of both. I know I can't help the way I feel about things, I DO have my own opinions (I just never told them out loud before)

Thirty some years ago I "was" scared of what my opinion would do to our relationship but hell, it's been thirty some years, what should I care? They ARE my opinions, they ARE the way I feel about things. Don't you think it's about time I let them out in the open?

It's a shame that I was beaten down so much that I went from a very extraverted person to a very intraverted person. I was so threatened that our relationship would end if I said what I thought. I see now that it was stupid and nobody should have that kind of control over another person. Even now I am afraid of what he might think or say about what I write in my blog.

I have been doing better at saying what I think to him instead of holding it inside. I am afraid that I taught my children "to keep it in" also and I am here to say right here and now that, IT IS NOT HEALTHY! Get your feelings out in the open, your sanity is worth more then that.

It's a shame that it took me till I was in my late 40's to get sick and tired of keeping my feeling in. I guess that one thing I can thank my mother in law for. She's gotta so good at getting under my skin that I can't keep my mouth shut anymore!

I want so much to just keep typing away on this blog. Get everything out of my head and out in the open but as always I can't. I have jobs to do around here. But don't worry, even though I'm away from the computer, my mind is still going 90 miles an hour constently thinking of all the thinks I need to get down on my blog. So until next time, I'm still boiling over with things to say.
Don't worry. I WILL RETURN!


Aimee said...

Don't worry mom, I am a little too quick to speak, so I didn't get that 'hold it all in' gene from you.

ConcreteAngel959 said...

Yes I am aware that you didn't get the gene from me although sometimes 1/2 a gene is better then none at all! LOL Actually niether of you girls got my gene darn it. I am afraid that your brother got it all!

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